The Great Coffee Debate
by Ianto'sCoffeeMinion
Summary: Owen messages Ianto to make him a coffee. Ianto goes into too much detail about beans,milk,sugar ect. See how Owen copes. We all know how much Ianto loves his Coffee! King Ianto's Coffee Club For Life! 3


**TheGoodDoctor: **Ianto mate, can you make me some coffee?

**FrothyCoffee: **Yes, of course. What would you like?

**TheGoodDoctor: **A coffee, I just said.

**FrothyCoffee: **I know that, I mean what type of coffee would you like?

**TheGoodDoctor: **One with caffeine?

**FrothyCoffee: **All coffees have caffeine in them Owen…unless its decaf, which still contains some remnants of caffeine but not as much as a regular coffee. Still effective though. Although I prefer good old Arabica beans!

**TheGoodDoctor: **What? I dunno what you're going on about, I just want a bloody coffee! Is that so much to ask for?

**FrothyCoffee: **I was simply informing you of the types of coffee beans used with non-decaf coffee.

**TheGoodDoctor: **Right. Can I just have a coffee? Please?

**FrothyCoffee: **And once again I ask. What TYPE of coffee would you like?

**TheGoodDoctor: **Whaddya mean? The coffee you always bring me!

**FrothyCoffee: **Yes, I know, but maybe you'd like to try something different. For instance, Tosh has a double shot vanilla latte, extra froth, extra hot. Gwen has a flat white. Jack has an Americano with whole milk and a dash of caramel. I favour the caramel macchiato, what would you like?

**TheGoodDoctor: **I don't care about all the types of ponsey coffee! Just bring me some will ya! I'm half asleep down here!

**FrothyCoffee: **Then in that case I would suggest a espresso shot, although I doubt you'd drink it. I wouldn't want to waste my new Jamaica Blue Mountain beans, you'd probably spit it on the floor, which id have to clean up, might I add. I could add a dash of milk to it, and tonnes of sugar (ruining the taste of my beans). I guess I'll just give a cappuccino with the regular beans?

**TheGoodDoctor: **Your talkin a loada bollox mate, just bring me my coffee down before I go ransack your machine and make one myself!

**FrothyCoffee: **You wouldn't dare!

**TheGoodDoctor: **I would, if I don't get my coffee soon! Jeez, a tea-boy who won't bring me my coffee.

**FrothyCoffee: **I'm not a tea-boy, that would imply I serve everyone tea. Which I don't, unless it Tosh's green/flavoured tea that I tend to crack out when she's on a detox.

**TheGoodDoctor: **Right, whatever, going to your coffee machine now. Any last words?

**FrothyCoffee: ** Noooo! I'm making your coffee now! Would you like a cappuccino?

**TheGoodDoctor: **Cuppuccino's are for girls!

**FrothyCoffee: **Just a minute ago you said 'get me anything'…

**TheGoodDoctor: **Anything apart from a pussey drink!

**FrothyCoffee: **A latte then?

**TheGoodDoctor: **That sounds too girley…What does Jack drink?

**FrothyCoffee: **I just told you earlier, an Americano.

**TheGoodDoctor: **Haha! Nice one that, what's that like?

**FrothyCoffee: **It's basically an espresso shot with hot water…

**TheGoodDoctor:** I'll have that then!

**FrothyCoffee:** With or without milk?

**TheGoodDoctor:** I dunno. I'm quite busy, can you just make me my damn drink already!

**FrothyCoffee:** It's a simple question Owen. Would you like me to add milk or not?

**TheGoodDoctor:** Yeah! Alright, milk!

**FrothyCoffee:** Skimmed, semi-skimmed, whole, or soy?

**TheGoodDoctor:** What!?

**FrothyCoffee:** What type of milk would you like?

**TheGoodDoctor:** Oh god! How can anyone be this picky about a flippin coffee!

**FrothyCoffee:** I'm not a mind reader! You could be lactose intolerant for all I know!

**TheGoodDoctor:** We'll I haven't complained about milk before, have i?

**FrothyCoffee:** That is also true. So, what milk? I assume no soy, unless you would like to cut down on your lactose in-take for some reason. Although soy milk does make a considerably lighter and frothier froth.

**TheGoodDoctor:** It's like talking to a brick wall!

**FrothyCoffee:** Well answer my question then!

**TheGoodDoctor:** WHOLE MILK! Happy?

**FrothyCoffee:** You sure, whole milk is creamier and might disguise the rich taste of the new blend I have. It's also higher in fat. How do you feel about cholesterol Owen?

**TheGoodDoctor:** Fuck sake! Skimmed milk then!

**FrothyCoffee:** Mm, that's basically just half watered down and you're going to have a substantial amount of water in your Americano anyway.

**TheGoodDoctor:** Give me whole milk then!

**FrothyCoffee:** Oh, no. Its okay, I've already started to froth the skimmed.

**TheGoodDoctor:** Well what you moaning about then?

**FrothyCoffee:** I'm not 'moaning' Owen. I'm just giving you the best option possible.

**TheGoodDoctor:** Yeah, for a shittin coffee!

**FrothyCoffee:** How dare you insult my coffee like that! DE-CAF.

**TheGoodDoctor:** Oh come on, I didn't mean It like that. I just want a coffee.

**FrothyCoffee:** Alright, I'll forgive you this once.

**TheGoodDoctor:** Good.

**FrothyCoffee:** Now, how many sugars?

**TheGoodDoctor:** My usual.

**FrothyCoffee:** Okay 6. What sugar would you like?

**TheGoodDoctor:** OH FOR GOD SAKE! ANY!

**FrothyCoffee:** I have brown, white, and sweetener. Have you tried sweetener Owen?

**TheGoodDoctor:** White. And no. It gives you cancer, I'ts all chemicals. Very unhealthy.

**FrothyCoffee:** Mmm, that is true. Okay. Your 6 sugared Americano with a dash of skimmed milk is nearly ready. Ill bring it to you in a second.

**TheGoodDoctor:** Thank fuck for that.

**FrothyCoffee:** What mug would you like?

**TheGoodDoctor:** FUCK OFF.

**FrothyCoffee:** Well that wasn't very pleasant.


End file.
